As a child, I always longed for PRIVACY (which I never got, since I am from a joined family). A little time when I was alone, was enough for me to let loose my imaginations… Unfortunately, most of the time I could feel a pair of angry eyes following all my activities until I am in bed, and this eventually acted as a barrier between me and my Utopian world.(this is perhaps the most disappointing experience for any kid whose mother is a housewife)
Occasionally, when I was allowed to play on the terrace in the morning (by fooling others that I was studying)…or a delightful night when I could sleep all alone occupying the enormous bed (again for late night studying)…bathroom…or a tiny cupboard (generously offered to me by my dadi) where I could carefully hide my valuable treasures (an enormous jar of sea-shells, a bagful of ancient coins, a container of marbles) and most importantly my PERSONAL DIARY (which was treated as JACKPOT by mum and my sister, as I recorded all my mischievous activities, my infatuations etc. in it) and letters from my friends (GIRLS, because I was admitted to a conservative Girl’s school where even normal interaction with BOYS was strictly prohibited)
P.S.: Later I won this battle, by inventing certain symbols/initials of names/code names etc. so that even if my life history is unveiled, there is still a matter of secrecy. 😉
These are the places or times, when I could actually be myself…I could hear my inner soul rather than simply playing different roles like puppets. I loved to posit myself in an ideal situation, ten years down the line, and this gave me immense pleasure (which is even impossible to pen down).
My sense of self-hood grew all the more strong, the day I was allotted a huge room, almost like a separate building during my graduation (again by my dearest dadi). I realized lately, this is exactly what I have been longing for! Days and nights passed, and I was totally involved in my hyperactive imaginative skills…It took me two-three years to figure out: Who I am! What my ultimate GOAL is!!
Today, I am living (or rather forced to live) in a small apartment, leaving behind our good old house, where I do not enjoy much privacy (as my earlier house), but thankfully today I am a confident individual, who can boldly proclaim in front of the world: Yes, I am…and I want to be a writer today and tomorrow…neither a government employee (with a huge salary and less working hours) nor a bank employee (with a huge salary and fixed job) nor a permanent TEACHER (teaching on and on boring lessons)…I prefer to choose job satisfaction over MONEY consciously…
It’s my life, and I (truly,madly,deeply,eagerly) WANT TO MAKE IT LARGE…