Much like, majority of Indian kids, for several years I firmly believed that I was carefully created and delivered to Earth by God (in the similar way, as Santa tends to deliver gifts on Christmas eve). It was a traumatic incident to learn about my actual birth history when a friend unleashed the secret without even a hesitation, and yes, I became familiar with the term “SEX”.
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As a young “virgin”, I too developed a notion, that pre-marital sex was a heinous crime and a sin, which will delete all the innocence of my heart, and deprive me from all the mercies of God. And being a firm believer of Christ, I believed that I should preserve my virginity carefully till my husband (probably another form of God!) will touch me for the first time.
There is no denial of the fact that, the first time, when someone complimented me as “sexy”, I took it as an insult; and even broke up with my (so called) first LOVE for the same reason, I never supported pre-marital sex.
I was truly, deeply and madly in love, at the age of sixteen. The day, he told me, he wanted to feel me inside was perhaps the first day I felt the dilemma, should I go for it? I thought and thought… and finally, pondered on the fact that, what is the hurry? True love, also means he should wait for me. So, I told him that I was not ready for it, and if he loved me he should wait for me till I felt more comfortable with him and confident about our relationship. (Obviously, he didn’t and we split).
With the passage of time, I learned more about the forbidden truth, about which none dared to discuss openly (except my cousin sister, with whom I shared all my knowledge). Being a dedicated student of Biology, I wondered, why on Earth there is so much fuss about sex if it forms an indispensable part of human existence and a completely natural phenomenon?
It took me several years to figure out the answer of my question, and also unravel the gruesome truth that lay hidden behind these fake social values or false religious beliefs:
Much like, all other patriarchal tools and apparatuses, this notion of pre-marital sex is another popular method of convincing a woman that once she loses her virginity, she will become impure and distance away from God! For men (even today), women are the assets to be possessed (and also marked as their own property); and they cannot bear the fact that his property has lost her virginity to some other man.. And if that happens in reality, they feel defeated (by the other man)! Women, on the other hand, (due to lack of proper knowledge and being successfully misguided by men) follow dedicatedly, what they have been taught since their childhood, by the society, institutions etc.
I pity these men, for they are unaware of the simple fact, that body forms only a part of a complete relationship; the other part being the soul! Even if a woman is a virgin, she might have given away her heart to the man she loves and presently, performing her duties with husband. Yet, her husband feels to be a winner, simply to snatch away her virginity.
For me, love-making (keeping aside Biology and hormones), is a divine feeling borne out of deep love, trust and respect for each other, (which is natural from both sides and can never be forced). If it is that phase, when one feels fulfilled, in each other’s company and both feels the urge of experiencing the completeness, then they must not wait for the government to validate their relationship! In that sense, pre-marital sex is perfect, if none of the couple regrets the moment later, in any point of their life.
It has been aptly said by the great metaphysical poet, Sir Andrew Marvell, that life is unpredictable, so one must not waste time waiting for the perfect time as there might not be another chance to live the moment!
“at my back I always hear
Time’s wingèd chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
Thy beauty shall no more be found;
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song; then worms shall try
That long-preserved virginity,
And your quaint honour turn to dust,
And into ashes all my lust;
The grave’s a fine and private place,
But none, I think, do there embrace.”
Quoted from To His Coy Mistress, By Sir Andrew Marvell, published in 1681
Thanks to Poonam Uppal’s newly launched book, A Passionaate Gospel of True Love : A Mystical True Love Story, and Indiblogger for the wonderful contest that encouraged me to write about such sensitive issues and also enlighten my readers.
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